Heavy eyes that watch the news with tears.

Heavy arms reaching up to plead with Heaven.

Heavy hands that wring together wishing for something more they could do.

Heavy hearts that ache for the families, the children, the people, of Ukraine.

Heavy hands holding on to hope.

Heavy arms that long for strength to do more, to do right, to do something.

Heavy eyes looking to Heaven’s Maker from where our only hope comes.

“Comparisons are odious.” I thought my dad had made this saying up. Turns out, his dad used to to say it. Then I found out that it dates at least back to Shakespeare when I read Dogberry the foolish character who speaks nonsense in Much Ado About Nothing say, “comparisons are odorous.”

But why? Why are they odious? The word stems from the Latin root that means hateful. So what is so harmful about comparisons? They are part of life. It’s by comparing that we make decisions. Is this apple better or that one? Are the reviews of this restaurant more favorable or that restaurant? Will this political candidate forward my position better or the other? With the vast number of decisions we make each day (the unsourced number that floats around the internet is 35,000!) we have to have parameters to come t0 the conclusions that we do. Comparison is a key element in making those decisions.

So where is the bad part of comparing? When we compare others to ourselves we place ourselves in one of two dangerous positions. We either put ourselves in the prideful position of being better than others, or we take on the self deprecating  pride of thinking that others are better than we are and we can never measure up. We look and look and scroll and look some more at others and use them as the measuring tool to see if we are ok with ourselves.

Robert Murray M’Cheyne, a nineteenth century Scottish preacher is quoted to have said, “For every look at yourself, take ten looks at Christ. He is altogether lovely.” Christ alone is the One to whom we should compare ourselves. We must recognize that He is perfect and when we are in Christ, the Lord looks on us and smiles, “This is my Son, in whom I am well pleased.” We can lay aside to need to measure up to the Insta feeds of the most polished. We can put down the over inflated ego that comes from the self satisfied smugness of feelings of accomplishments. We can “Live much in the smiles of God. Bask in His beams. Feel His all-seeing eye settled on you in love. (and) Repose in His almighty arms.” (Robert Murray M’Cheyne)

On one of our trips we were walking though a night market in Hong Kong. Among the scarves, and shoes and fake designer watches, I found a booth that had a kitchen magnet which read, “Comparisons are odious. 比較是可惡的.” It made me realize that, while, no, my dad didn’t make up that saying, it is a wise one. It transcends time and touches hearts around the world. We shouldn’t value or devalue another human being, including ourselves, because we see them as better or not. We should continue our gaze on the One that is infinitely better.

I saw a Marine addressing a circle of friends who obviously weren’t in the military. By his gesticulations, I assume a story was being told. His animated gestures spoke of excitement and enthusiasm and experiences. By the looks on the faces of those around him, they were impressed but also a bit confused. I’ve seen that face before. I tell someone about an experience and it doesn’t connect at all. They try to be polite, but then silence ensues… and a change of topic. There will always be those who don’t understand.

There are things about my life that I wish were different, like that every-female-struggle with reality versus the airbrushed look on the cover of most magazines or the wish for the creativity of Joanna Gaines. There are things I wrestle with about my personhood and identity. There will always be struggles with measuring up when I compare myself with others.

But there are also more deeply rooted things like broken relationships and health struggles. There are regrets and desires and dreams. There will always be longings for more, for better, for wholeness.

Sometimes the messages that the world pushes are like waves crashing over me. I scramble to get out from under one only to be tumbled by the next, unrelenting in their consistency. I wish that I could stop my ears just for a moment and ponder what is true and good. There will always be longings for peace.

I know that those longings can only be fulfilled in one place. Our hearts find rest in only one way. Psalm 46:10 Be still, and know that I am God. Cease striving. Stop scrambling for all the things that this world tells you will fill your heart with contentment. This whole world will never be enough. Physical strength fails. Relationships disappoint. Beauty fades. Pleasures dwindle. But “we shall be satisfied with the goodness of your house, the holiness of your temple!” Psalm 65:4b And so I remember that there will always be hope.

It caught me off guard. Maybe it was because they were the few words that I understood out of the mass of Portuguese, or maybe I stopped trying to understand because those jumped out at me. “Good Father.” I know that to be true. He has shown me in so many ways His care for me and His mercy to me. But, there are still times that I forget. I think I am missing something. I think that things should be different. I think I know better.

When we come before God in prayer, so often it is with high sounding words. Almighty and Everlasting God… Omnipotent and Holy One… Lord of Hosts… Alpha and Omega… Risen Son… The Bright and Morning Star… Gracious and Merciful… Lord of Heaven and Earth…  All these titles are right and true, and it is so important to see God as such.

But He is also my Glory and the Lifter of my head (Psalm 3:3) And when I lift my eyes and see Him, I realize that He is also my Bom Pai. My Good Father. When I come to Him as such, I can trust that the things that I leave in His hands are well taken care of.

Photo by Derek Thomson on Unsplash

Thirty years ago, I fasted, prayed and cried out to God to heal my husband, Scott. He was dying, attached to life support, unconscious. So many in the church said, “Pray with faith for complete healing. God can’t possibly mean for your young husband and father of your three month old son to die. There will be great triumph and glory to His name when you see the healing!” Well, it’s a dangerous place to think you know what God is thinking and how he will act. It is presumption and arrogance.  Also, it hurts when He doesn’t do what you want him to. I put Him in a box and He didn’t fit. So the box broke. I, along with his parents, had to make the decision to take Scott off life support and watch him die.

After that time, it took a while to be able to pray. I didn’t trust God. I had been duped into the prosperity gospel-ish thinking that God owed me. I did all the right things. So He should keep up His end of the bargain. What a small God I said I was worshiping! In reality I was worshiping the image of what I thought God should be.

In his mercy, the Lord didn’t keep me in that place long. I kept reading the scriptures and my trust in who God truly is, that I learned by reading His word instead of just going by what other people said, began to grow. I saw Him as not just omnipotent and righteous but also good.

It’s funny how we humans tend to have to learn the same lesson over and over again. An engineer friend of mine once likened it to learning math. We start learning addition by learning that 1+1=2, but soon we add with more decimal places and then with unknown numbers and pretty soon it’s with polynomials. But at the core, it’s still addition. In the same way, we learn to trust God and trust that He is good. We learn to trust Him with different situations.

I am now facing another situation in which I feel like I have (mostly) done the right things, at least I have done the best I knew to do, but the situation seems hopeless. I struggle with feeling like God owes me, feeling like if I pray about this, will I get another “no?” But I am learning to pray and each time, open my hand and say, “Lord, do as you please. This is my heart’s cry, but You are Lord. And You know best.”

So yes, sometimes it hurts to pray. We want a particular answer and we don’t know if that’s the one that the Lord will give. But it hurts more to resent that I don’t always get things my own way. It hurts more to be mad at God. And ultimately, I don’t really want what He doesn’t want for me.

Psalm 84:11-12
For the Lord God is a sun and shield; the Lord bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold from those who walk up rightly.
O Lord of hosts, blessed is the one who trusts in you!

Photo by Brennan Martinez on Unsplash

Today I saw a young Marine standing at parade rest, because that was how he was most comfortable. He was standing a ways off from the rest of the crowd, his eyes scanning, hoping to see a familiar face. It eluded him. The others around him were laughing and hugging, congratulations flying back and forth, everyone together reuniting. He stood alone.

Those of us who saw him wanted to just hug him. We were all moms of different ages, some of us new moms with toddlers playing in the grass and some of us having adult children living hours away. But either way, there was a tug in every mama’s heart.

I don’t know the back story. I don’t know why this young man was alone unexpectedly. But I know he didn’t want to be. None of us want to be. We want to be part of something. We want to belong. That’s why so many join the military. But even in the midst of being a part of something bigger than ourselves we can still be alone, feeling all the more the lonely for the crowd around us.

Isaiah 49:15-16 Can a woman forget her nursing child, that she should have no compassion on the son of her womb? Even these may forget, yet I will not forget you. Behold I have engraved you on the palms of my hands.

Lord, help us to remember that You will never leave us nor forsake us. When I feel beaten up by the world and alone in the midst of the laughing crowd, remind me that, as your chosen one, You will always hold me in the palms of your nail scarred hands.

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